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Friday, April 07, 2006
MAN DID I GET IN TROUBLE FOR THAT LAST POST...
"I have lost my computer privileges and have to write long foot now..."
Well, it's positively unSEEMly. Talk about a touchy woman! Just because I showed a picture of her when she first got up, you know, just by way of having a little fun, and people saw her mouse hair -- what there is of it anyway -- standing straight up with that ridiculous look on her face, well, all I've got to say is that I'VE got to look at it every morning, why not all of you? Must I suffer alone? Is it MY fault she was born with that hair? And fer gawdsakes, you should hear her getting her hair cut. I have to hide under that apron thing they put around her neck I'm so embarrassed. She says the same thing everytime. "Cut it as short as possible while still making me devastatingly sexy." I don't even know how to tell her they always get the first part, and not the last...
And then there's that goofy smile of hers. I mean really. The poor soul had Bell's Palsy in 1995, a really bad case of it. She went all cattywompus and lopsided. I TELL her not to try to smile in pictures or the whole dang world will see how odd she looks, but damned if she doesn't forget. This picture was actually taken in 2000 and ended up in The Utne Reader when they featured us in a piece about her Wabi-Sabi Work. I was so embarrassed. I was shouting at her, "SHUTCHERLOPSIDEDMOUTH," but would she listen? Just look at the goofy look on the poor soul's face...
I don't see why if she's going to be photographed for magazines she can't leave me out of it but there I was trying to save her and they caught me with my mouth WIDE OPEN. Whoever said life was fair? Of course there was the time I got SO tired of all these dang flamingos around here I almost moved out. She said if they won't let her have those ridiculous big pink birds here she will collect all of them that she can find. (And I won't even go into that ridiculous flamingo hat she actually has and WEARS. It's head sticks up a foot and a half above her head and the legs dangle down her chest. God Save The Queen, it's so startling it takes one's breath away, but the worst of it is that she's not quite, well, right you know, and once answered the door with it on and some elderly church lady passed clean out on the porch step. I had to call 911. Maitri's response: "If it doesn't startle the living daylights out of the neighbors it's not worth doing." Well for God's sakes, what do you say to that? That night she had a party and wore one of her odd caftans and a string of flamingo lights and actually walked around blinking pink. I'm not sure what I did in a past life to deserve her in this one, but you have to see it to believe it...)
I said to Solomon, my best bud and the blue crown conure in the house, that you'd think she loved those ridiculous pink birds better than us, but that rude bird said, "You're just jealous because you're only grey. If you were beautiful and green and blue like me you might understand her love of color. Why just look at this place? Every wall in the house is a different color. Orchid, peach, something she calls "Womb Pink," (And don't think THAT doesn't embarrass the hoo ha outta all of us!) which is kind of a warm pink that's on her bedroom walls, and then there's the brilliant sky blue room..." Maybe Sol is right. I mean sniff I'm only grey after all.... I mean just look at Solomon.
Nahhhhhh, ha ha ha ha ha, if you ain't grey, maybe you just oughta go away, that's what I always say. And I'M the one always with Maitri. Of course there was that time she got photographed with all three of us, that is THE MAIN THREE, including little Emmy Lou, the green cheek princess. I mean just because she's the littlest parrot in the house doesn't mean she ought to be coddled so....
Well she is pretty cute. Reminds me of the time we lived in Colorado for awhile. That goofball Maitri took a picture of all of us. At least we all kept our mouths shut, most especially Maitri, but then, she'd cut her own hair and even bragged about it and hadn't half a clue how dreadful it looked, but she was having a hard go then so I just patted her on the back with my wing, and made her a latté. I mean she really didn't need the grief then...
Well, anyway, these days she's writing a book, sampling so much tea she's got us drinking it and helping with reviews just to keep up, and I'm sorry to say this but not a single one can hold a candle to my latté. I mean, she may have gotten all into tea, but unless I can lay in my little hammock in the back of my cage and have some madeleines with my tea while I'm reading Proust, well, I'm just not into it. I think I'm a little too highbrow for the rest of them, well, Maitri did read Proust before I did, but how many parrots do you know who have read every single volume of "Remembrance of Things Past," at least 3 times? Really. Grey parrots are simply so superior to the rest of them that you just have to humor them and be nice to them. Frankly, I'd like to go on the road like Kerouac, but I think a little flight across the living room is the most I'm going to accomplish, at least today...
Well, there are 3 more parrots now, and other animal folks here, but you'll have to hear about them another day. I'm going to watch 20/20 if there's anything decent on, and if not, I'm watching a decorating show...
Henry
*v*
Posted at 09:58 pm by maitri
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Wednesday, April 05, 2006
WELL, THERE WAS JUST NO WAY I COULD HOLD BACK ANY LONGER...
"If I don't get a sip of that latte in 15 seconds
I'm going to tell everything I know..."
Well, you can't say I didn't warn her...
It's a shame really. I try to do my best by her, what with all her rather odd conditions. She takes pills for them, but by my best estimation she's still crazy as a loon half the time. I mean please, who in their right mind needs six parrots, 2 finches, 3 beta fish, and a dog. Well, Moe's alright. He and I like to hang out and watch Law and Order. He puts his paws over his eyes through half the show, but at least I've got him watching something decent now besides cartoons and the cooking channel with Maitri. Here we were just the other night watching reruns of our favorite show when it wasn't one of the 12 nights of the week they have one of the versions of Law and Order on. I mean we've got our limits. We do like to do a few other things than watch t.v.
ANYWAY, so there I was this morning, telling her, "I'm certain it's time to make our latté. You look subhuman, your hair is standing straight up, you have that googly face you have on when you first get up in the morning and you're embarrassing me no end. What if someone came to the door? Now here's your pills -- and take them all, no sneaking them to Moe -- and then we'll go in the kitchen and I'll fire up the latté machine...
Well, she finally took the pills and got up out of the chair. Talk about a feat. It's enough to make a bird get the vapors just steering her in the right direction and hoping she doesn't fall over her own two FEET. She's always falling down the stairs and breaking them or tripping over a tissue and going right flat out on her face. Lord have mercy, I don't know how I keep my wits about me half the time. I thought maybe I could count on Yeats, but all he does is swim around and recite poetry.... "The blue and the dim and the dark... night, light, and the half-light...." I used to like that poem but that fish has driven me pure crazy with it...
And if I have to hear that fish say, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful," one more time I'm going to put something nasty in his fish bowl. If you ask me all three of those beta fish think they're too good for their own britches and Maitri pampers them so you'd think they were birds or something. I mean really! They may be flashy but they've no feathers at all and can't say a single word. Maitri says the way I talk would sometimes make the eyebrows fall offa sailor, but then, what does she know about sailors? (And if she knows anything at all about them I don't want to know. I'm young and impressionable after all.)
Finally we got settled down with our latte and I got my sip and Maitri hogged the rest (She says coffee is bad for boys, and she only lets me have a wee nip of the foam, but heaven's, do I live for that sip!).
Ahhhhhhhhh..... (smacking beak) ..... that sure is good! Now I'll dictate to her and get her working on today's e-mail. People don't have half a clue that I answer most of the e-mail around here. She's the epitome of The Absent Minded Professor, and goes about like The White Queen in Alice Through The Looking Glass who said that she believed six impossible things every morning before breakfast. Well God help us, Maitri didn't need to hear that. You don't want to egg the poor woman on. Three quarters of what she believes is impossible if not downright absurd to begin with, she didn't need any more screwball ideas. (Shaking head sadly....) Well, one kind of grows fond of her after all. She's not quite right, but she's better than most, and she treats me like the world's most fabulous grey parrot, which of course I am, and all of our cages look like Disneyland, and we're always out playing and having lots of treats so I guess we fare okay. You can meet some of the rest of them another day. If we don't get on this e-mail, we'll never get through it. And we've got tea to taste and review and the tea book to work on (I'm writing most of that. Don't tell anyone!) and then there's all this fiber I have to help her spin, and Lord have mercy, these spoolknitters are taking over the place and there's a whole family of them moving in. It's positively frightening. More on them another day. For now, it's time for Maitri and I to get on with the mountain of e-mail we get every morning, and Lordy Moses there's a ton of it today. Now listen here Maitri, write this down...
I just love that sound, "clickety-clackety, clickety-clackety..." We writers just can't get enough of the tippy tip tapping on the keyboard. Come on Maitri, there's three hundred more e-mail to answer and it's time for my treat!
Until next time...
Henry
*v*
Grey Parrot,
Dragonfly Cottage Office
Manager, and God Help Me,
the only one in the place
sane enough to look
after Maitri...
Posted at 03:07 am by maitri
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