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Friday, April 07, 2006
MAN DID I GET IN TROUBLE FOR THAT LAST POST...
"I have lost my computer privileges and have to write long foot now..."
Well, it's positively unSEEMly. Talk about a touchy woman! Just because I showed a picture of her when she first got up, you know, just by way of having a little fun, and people saw her mouse hair -- what there is of it anyway -- standing straight up with that ridiculous look on her face, well, all I've got to say is that I'VE got to look at it every morning, why not all of you? Must I suffer alone? Is it MY fault she was born with that hair? And fer gawdsakes, you should hear her getting her hair cut. I have to hide under that apron thing they put around her neck I'm so embarrassed. She says the same thing everytime. "Cut it as short as possible while still making me devastatingly sexy." I don't even know how to tell her they always get the first part, and not the last...
And then there's that goofy smile of hers. I mean really. The poor soul had Bell's Palsy in 1995, a really bad case of it. She went all cattywompus and lopsided. I TELL her not to try to smile in pictures or the whole dang world will see how odd she looks, but damned if she doesn't forget. This picture was actually taken in 2000 and ended up in The Utne Reader when they featured us in a piece about her Wabi-Sabi Work. I was so embarrassed. I was shouting at her, "SHUTCHERLOPSIDEDMOUTH," but would she listen? Just look at the goofy look on the poor soul's face...
I don't see why if she's going to be photographed for magazines she can't leave me out of it but there I was trying to save her and they caught me with my mouth WIDE OPEN. Whoever said life was fair? Of course there was the time I got SO tired of all these dang flamingos around here I almost moved out. She said if they won't let her have those ridiculous big pink birds here she will collect all of them that she can find. (And I won't even go into that ridiculous flamingo hat she actually has and WEARS. It's head sticks up a foot and a half above her head and the legs dangle down her chest. God Save The Queen, it's so startling it takes one's breath away, but the worst of it is that she's not quite, well, right you know, and once answered the door with it on and some elderly church lady passed clean out on the porch step. I had to call 911. Maitri's response: "If it doesn't startle the living daylights out of the neighbors it's not worth doing." Well for God's sakes, what do you say to that? That night she had a party and wore one of her odd caftans and a string of flamingo lights and actually walked around blinking pink. I'm not sure what I did in a past life to deserve her in this one, but you have to see it to believe it...)
I said to Solomon, my best bud and the blue crown conure in the house, that you'd think she loved those ridiculous pink birds better than us, but that rude bird said, "You're just jealous because you're only grey. If you were beautiful and green and blue like me you might understand her love of color. Why just look at this place? Every wall in the house is a different color. Orchid, peach, something she calls "Womb Pink," (And don't think THAT doesn't embarrass the hoo ha outta all of us!) which is kind of a warm pink that's on her bedroom walls, and then there's the brilliant sky blue room..." Maybe Sol is right. I mean sniff I'm only grey after all.... I mean just look at Solomon.
Nahhhhhh, ha ha ha ha ha, if you ain't grey, maybe you just oughta go away, that's what I always say. And I'M the one always with Maitri. Of course there was that time she got photographed with all three of us, that is THE MAIN THREE, including little Emmy Lou, the green cheek princess. I mean just because she's the littlest parrot in the house doesn't mean she ought to be coddled so....
Well she is pretty cute. Reminds me of the time we lived in Colorado for awhile. That goofball Maitri took a picture of all of us. At least we all kept our mouths shut, most especially Maitri, but then, she'd cut her own hair and even bragged about it and hadn't half a clue how dreadful it looked, but she was having a hard go then so I just patted her on the back with my wing, and made her a latté. I mean she really didn't need the grief then...
Well, anyway, these days she's writing a book, sampling so much tea she's got us drinking it and helping with reviews just to keep up, and I'm sorry to say this but not a single one can hold a candle to my latté. I mean, she may have gotten all into tea, but unless I can lay in my little hammock in the back of my cage and have some madeleines with my tea while I'm reading Proust, well, I'm just not into it. I think I'm a little too highbrow for the rest of them, well, Maitri did read Proust before I did, but how many parrots do you know who have read every single volume of "Remembrance of Things Past," at least 3 times? Really. Grey parrots are simply so superior to the rest of them that you just have to humor them and be nice to them. Frankly, I'd like to go on the road like Kerouac, but I think a little flight across the living room is the most I'm going to accomplish, at least today...
Well, there are 3 more parrots now, and other animal folks here, but you'll have to hear about them another day. I'm going to watch 20/20 if there's anything decent on, and if not, I'm watching a decorating show...
Henry
*v*
Posted at 09:58 pm by maitri
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